Rise

"I yurn to rise above the status quo. 

Striving to represent something more 

beautiful than the dirt that we know. 

But as the word tells us-

I will always fall short of His glory,

But I press on."

 I never thought that I was the poetic type. But what you see above is what I wrote down during a class of mine. It had flown and perched itself in my mind like a curious bird in a tree above a picnic. The words wouldn't leave, I hoped I could remember the words to write down later on so I could focus on my class but I decided to attend to this thought and do it the service of writing it down. The words came out so smooth and polished. It was as if they had been there for years refining themselves within the likes of my own mind. I looked up, thought for a moment and smiled. I looked back down at what I had written in the corner of my paper and knew I had something good. 

         I may not be as good a poet as Shakespeare, and I may not know the exact requirements for a specific type of poem, but what I do know is that these words came from my heart. The syllables and rythym might not be up to code, but it is in sync with the beat of my heart. My heart's true desire is to be different. Blending into the crowd in this world is an act that gets us nowhere. No successful person of influence ever boasted about their decision to be a part of the status quo. The opposite is true in this case. In the pursuit for civil rights, do you think that Martin Luther King Jr. thought to himself how he could blend in and hope that things would magically get better? Of course not. In the same way that Dr. King took a stand to racism, my heart wants to take a stand on normality. I believe that everybody has a purpose for their lives. I believe that every person on this planet has a God given ability to make a difference in our world. People sit back and wish that they had the abilities that the person next to them have, because if they had that trait, then they could change the world. People this is a lie. Do not conform to the patterns of this world! To me that means take pride in who God made you to be! God has a perfect and beautiful plan for all of our lives. Regardless of the giants we may be facing right now, God has a way out that will glorify him and lead you to a better place. An analogy I recently heard was that of a bullfight. In a bullfight there are 3 main components. The bull, the matador and the red cape. Time and time again the bull charges the cape and time and time again the matador stabs the bull as he runs past. The naive bull sits back and wonders why he is getting stabbed. He hopes and wishes for the power to make the stabbing and pain stop. With this mentality the bull will never succeed. But the wise bull realizes that there is a pattern. Every time he runs for the cape, he gets stabbed. He realizes that the cape isn't the one hurting him, it's the matador. He comes to the conclusion that if he wants the pain to stop he must stop the matador from hurting him. The next time he charges, he isn't aiming at the cape, he's aiming for the matador. What this analogy is conveying is that we all have the power to make a change. We can hope and pray for all the power and opportunity, but what we need to realize is that God has already given us the strength and knowledge to make a difference, the key is realizing it and waking up. 

      As Christians we should realize that we have been given the task to rise above the muck and grime in our modern world. It is one that is not easy to complete. The temptations we face on a daily basis is unheard of. Access to sin is as easy as pressing a button these days. The decision is ours and it is one that needs to be consciously made everyday, every minute, and every second. 

      My desire is that God will be apparent in my life. Being different is something that is not looked kindly upon these days. My commitment to purity, excluding alcohol and drugs in my life are the ones that people quickly see. Instantly when people learn where I stand on drinking, smoking and girls people have questions. I cannot tell you how many times I have explained why I believe the things I do. But it is so much deeper than those commitments. I want to make a difference. I want to be a light to those who are lost. Often times I feel overwhelmed with this desire and push it away because of its sheer intimidation. But time and time again this thought finds ways to pester me. I hope the way that I carry myself is genuine. I want to be intentional with people and show interest not only in their day to day, but in their spiritual journey as well. In my spiritual growth I want to find ways to help others grow as well. Not just with my words but with my actions. A man can lead a group solely with words and impressive speeches, but if he does not walk in what he preaches he is not worthy to lead. I want to be able to lead with my actions. I want to inspire a generation. I want to introduce a new vibe in the workplace and in the classroom. Negativity is an element in our world that is accepted all to often. Psalm 55:22 says to cast your cares on the lord for he will never let the righteous fall. DO NOT DWELL ON YOUR OWN SHORTCOMINGS. We all fall short of the glory of God. We are humans, we are designed to fail. And that my friends is why we need the lord. We cannot do the things we wish to do without the help of our lord. I cannot fulfill my heart's desire without seeking the lord first. Seeking his guidance and counsel is what will ultimately determine the direction of my desire and the success.  As I reminisce on my life I realize that in every small detail of my life, God has been present. Every single step of the way. My life is inexplicably coincidental if there was no higher power guiding my every step. This knowledge, this security, this confidence is what fuels me now. I believe in my heart that my God will fight for me. I need only be still. I have a goal. I want to be like Christ. Some days might be less productive than others, but my wish is that I will not become comfortable in my current spiritual walk. I want to be better everyday. I want to be the man God wants me to become. I want to have a positive impact on those around me. My roomates, my classmates, my teammates, my family, my girlfriend/wife (when that time comes), and even my closest friends. This world needs people to help defamiliarize the masses of the lies they are being told everyday. I pray the lord gives me the words and knowledge on what that looks like, if he can use me to aid in such a task, I want to be ready when he calls my name. Because when he does, I will rise. 

Never a care free decision

                         Consequences for going left, and consequences for going right.

Isn't it crazy that in this world it seems that everyday we wake up and are faced with decisions that seem to have little or no effect on ourselves? The first decision of course is whether or not you are ready to get out of bed or not. Which is always a tough decision to make. But once that one is made we are faced with what seems like simpler ones, like whether or not to make coffee, to have cereal or no breakfast at all etc. The reality of course is that these decisions are more like routine to us than they are conscious decisions.
        What effect does this have on our spiritual lives? In life we are often put into situations where we have to make quick decisions on the fly. As a life-long christian, I like to think I have practiced these decisions and think I have done a relatively good job. However, minutes, hours, days, months, and years later I remember my decision and wonder what branched out from that decision on God's map for my life. It is a scary thought and one that I try to avoid, but one that is very real and present within my daily thoughts.
        I sometimes wander about things I may have missed out on. Do you ever do that? Well if I just hadn't eaten that chicken I wouldn't have gotten food poisoning, or if I had just scored that game winning goal then my life would have been so different. Thoughts like these, personally I have found, are destructive. To dwell in "what could have been" seems a little bit like questioning the position God has placed you in currently. After all, everything happens for a reason right? Right. God assures us throughout the bible that he has a beautiful and perfect plan for each and everyone of us. One of my most recent regrets is my last relationship with a girl who shall remain anonymous. This relationship took over me before I could even resist. I was engulfed not only by temptation, but a veil had been put over my head and I didn't know what that veil was. Well, I reasoned that this veil was in fact love. Looking back on this, I laugh because the traits that were consistent with love were so absent in this relationship. The bible describes love as patient, kind, does not boast, is not proud, etc. If someone had been recording the events in that relationship I am almost certain that those descriptors would not have been used for our "love." Temptation had gotten the better of me, and as I drove home after nights of shame, I realized that more and more of me had been lost. The arguing, the anger, the tension, the confusion, and the regret had caught up to me and I finally took a stand and decided that losing myself to a woman who I knew I wouldn't marry wasn't worth it.
         I praise the lord for his ability to forgive, because that was what I needed to hear. As I crawled out of darkness, broken and dirty, I emerged in a new setting. I won't say that clarity was what I saw because I don't believe God gives us true "clarity." But what I saw was a vast space of openness and of opportunity. I could see the world through my eyes again. I wasn't distracted with the interpretation that had been forced upon me anymore. My opinions, thoughts and ideas were all out and allowed to stretch their legs and run free in the valley of green that I was now standing in. My decisions in that relationship greatly molded my character. It took a little while for me to truly realize the long term effects it had on me but it was all being exposed in the light. Parts of myself were gone, damaged, or almost impossible to access. So started a healing process that would last months. As I type this I only now am regaining my ability to have feelings for a new woman, which is something that I thought would take much longer, but by the grace of God he put a diamond among the dirt and mud for me to find. These past 7 months have been months of personal healing. Training myself to be me. What it felt like, looked like, to truly be myself. I reformed my values, morals, and beliefs. I surrounded myself with a group of men that reminded me of who I was. I thank the lord on a daily basis for the men he has placed in my life. Men who are genuine and intentional with me and express interest in my life. I truly believe that meditation, prayer, and these men are what got me through this period in my life. I truly am unsure as to where I would be had I not had these men with me. Men, you know who you are if you ever read this. You're efforts and friendship have changed my life more than you could ever imagine. I thank you for you, and your patience with me.
      Progress has been monumental. My decisions in life have seriously been reduced to, making coffee or not, breakfast or not, class or not, and hanging out with the boys and this wonderful new lady. I thank God for the rough times I've gone through thus far. James 1 will forever stick with me as a constant reminder to "Consider it pure joy...whenever you face trials of many kinds." Who I am now is a direct result of my decisions, and I am pretty happy with who I am. God is good.